10/23/25
i am webmastering. it feels awkward to interact w people online, cause i know theyre lookin throiugh my stuff and seeing whether they like it or not. its mainly 4 me but this IS a public space yk and people r allowed to have opinions. either way i like it, i love it, epic way to do my thing and document all of it. documenting is rlly fun, cause u actually get to KNOW things and remember them !! anyway..idunno what im doing but i hope to keep up the energy !!
11/10/2025
Violence Is All The Rage - Schoolyard Heroes
this is my actual first blog post and idunno, i just found myself thinking alot about differences in maturity between people and how it affects the way they process their own emotions and others. my selflessness has been quite damaging and idunno how to reverse it? ontop of epiphanymaxxing, i've completely convinced i'm someones grandma in a young body -- it's become very difficult to tell if i'm kidding or not and that's a little scary fr. it's getting harder to relate to people my age and i feel like a narc sometimes when i CAN relate but it's like, i've healed or something. k moving on, i've been working on VAINLET (my online display of crafts ive done) and its lowkey triggering me cause i havent really made much this year except for a few items which means that i'm preoccupied and my time is being taken up by my leaderboard worthy self loathing !! i'm glad i'm finding the time to code and hang with the boyfriend
im lowkey open to some ideas..i kind of want to make a cool gothic tie with lace and studs or something. not sure if i should get the fabric to make the tie myself or just buy a bunch off ebay??!?!?
When I'm Small - Phantogram
screams in agony.
trying to decide where to go in life after a year of just living was actually a lot more to take on than i anticipated. clearly i'm fine, because it gives me more time to think about what i want to do and how much sacrifice i'm willing to make. I want to do full stack programming, but i also want to learn C++ so i can build games. I feel like I'd need to go to schoool for C++ programming but as far as 3d modelling, texturinhg and rigging, i think i can learn that on my own. so far my choices are WGU or my local college's courses..i'm also like deathly afraid of the math portion of it all. i never did well, but i'm sooo willing to learn if it meant i could do what i love for some buckaroos. is this shallow? sometimes i often feel like i dont want it enough, but i DO! ive got all of these ideas and im struggling to start small, i know there are plenty of people out there in a similar situation but i still feel like im the only one feeling like this =(. i dont wanna reach out to the community and get like punked or something for being a noob. anyway, hooray for searching for school after being out for like 2 years :cry:
